The light in her eyes has faded
Like snow that melts away
The joy in her smile has vanished
Like night turning into day
Her hope is quickly slipping
Like water in her hands
Her fear is finally boiling
Like soup sizzling in a pan
Sometimes she sits in a corner
To feel the things inside
She bows her head in prayer
This hurt she cannot hide
She stares at the ceiling
She's a stranger to sleep
Her mind can't keep quiet
As she finally starts to weep
Giving up would be so easy
Giving up would feel so right
No one would even notice
If she gave up this hopeless fight
Feeling so drained
She closes her eyes
Waiting for a shooting star
To hear her silent cries
She isn't quite dead
But she isn't alive
She would give anything
For the strength to try

There isn't a lot of pain going on
At least not that I can feel
It seems to me
That everything we were
Was never actually real
The days are passing by
And I see you from afar
You are standing with a new love
Is it true
Or should I wish upon a star
I know you see me watching
I wish I could say you care
In honesty
I don't know you anymore
It's as if you were never there
Sometimes I see you staring
I can feel your cold brown eyes
You look at me so carefully
But I pretend that I don't notice
Just so I won't cry
I felt so timid when you told me
"I'm done. You killed my heart."
I watched your back go out the door
You didn't even realize
It was ripping me apart
Our love is like a puzzle
With a million empty spaces
You shattered my heart into too many pieces
I shattered yours until you couldn't feel it
All around us are unknown faces
There isn't a lot of pain going on
At least not that I can feel
Because now that I have lost you
And your love for me has faded
Nothing in this world seems real.........

So... Homecoming was on Thursday night. I went with Ashlee! And I had fun. More fun than I've ever had at any of the dances I've ever gone to. Granted there were a few times I felt uncomfortable and pressured to compromise my morals.... but then Ashlee would save me and everything would be good again.
I saw "him" there. With "her". and I didn't cry. It was like I turned off any feelings when I would see them together. But I guess .... the fact that I would be wishing I was dancing with "him" instead of the guy I was dancing with.... probably meant I didn't have my emotions turned off. Especially since I went home and cried because I had fun without him. I wanted him to be apart of it. I wanted him to see me.
Hence the poem I wrote:

I saw you
You saw me
I love you
I'm sorry
She's standing next to you
He's standing next to me
You look handsome
I hope I look beautiful
I dressed up just for you
I wanted to take your breath away
Did I?
I curled my hair
As pretty as I could
I put make up on my face
To help bring out my features
So maybe
Maybe, I would catch your attention...
Our eyes met for a brief moment
I moment I wanted to last for a life-time
You were all I could see
All I wanted to see.
I saw you
You saw me
I love you
And I know you love me too
Like a wounded bird
I am trying to fly
With broken wings
I have to try
It's useless
She's standing next to you
He's standing next to me
This doesn't feel right
I look at you smiling
And I smile back
Hoping you can't see through my pretend
I saw you
You saw me
I love you
I saw you.

So it's not the greatest poem.... but It came from the heart.... and it was like 2 in the morning. Needless to say I was tired.
Well I love ya'll!
Ashlee.... thanks for being my wonderful date! tee hee.
~*meagan*~

Current Location: hot soup!! I just burned my tongue!
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: Stacie Orrico- I'm not missing you

So, I have someone on my mind. His name? TEDDY GEIGER! woot woot.

Last night was so much fun. I went with Ashlee and Jessica. I finally was able to meet Jess and I think she
is pretty awsome.

I was sad at some moments just because the last time I had been at the Hilton or Grand Sierra(whatever you want to call it) was when Bill took me to see Maroon 5. That was a lot of fun too. It's a good memory, just sad because the person it's with isn't in my life anymore.

Teddy is simply beautiful! He came on stage and looked like he had just gotten out of bed! His hair was slightly messy and in his eyes. teehee.... his beautiful eyes! When he came back on stage for the encore he said he would answer some questions. People are NOT good at asking questions. lol. It was amusing actually. He was like "you guys don't know how to ask questions." So I decided to ask him a question. I was thinking to myself "why am I even raising my hand? There is no way..."
"you. (he points at me) you look like you have a genuine question"
My mouth DROPPED! Then I realized I should ask my question and I yelled out "have you ever had your heart broken?" It came out like a mouse squeak! lol. He couldn't hear me because I was in the back so I made my way to the stage and asked him again. He said that he did have his heart broken... well wounded.
It pretty much made my night the best night EVER! hehe.
I'm still blushing.
He looked at Ashlee and Jess a lot... and SMILED at them! woot woot.
It was awsome and he was AMAZING!

Current Music: Holly Brook

THE GIRL WHO SEEMED UNBREAKABLE ; BROKE.
THE GIRL WHO SEEMED SO STRONG ; CRUMBLED.
THE GIRL WHO ALWAYS LAUGHED IT OFF ; CRIED.
THE GIRL WHO NEVER STOPPED TRYING ; GAVE UP.

No!I'm ntokayIreallydon'tcarewhatother peoplehavetosaybecauseIknow whatifeel. IlovehimLOVEhim.it'srealiknowitis.howanhesaynoneveragain?imeanyoucan'tjuststoplovingsomeone
canyou?Ilovehimandi'mnotlettinghimgo.Iknowihurthim.Iknowthathehaseveryright
nottobeinarelationshipwithmebecauseimadehimthinkididn'tlovehim.imadehimfeel
likeididn'tcareBUTIDO!!!idocare.Idohaveromanticfeelingsforhim.All
iwantedwastospendmoretimewithhimiwantedtotalktohim.Butinsteadhetookitasiwantedtobreakupwithhim
Iguessiwouldhavefeltthesamethoughifhehadsaidthattome.heiseverythingtome.wellbesidesGodofcourse.
Iwoulddoanythingtoprovetohimi'mnotlying.thati'msincereandthat idocareandidolovehimanditsrealandiwontbreakhisheartagain.Iwouldbethebestgirlfriendever
iknownowwhatitmeanstosayiloveyouwhatitmeanstohavearelationshipandiwantethatwithhim
Iwantthecommitment!Ididn'tbeforebecauseiwasraisedwithconstantchange.Ineverhadanyonestayinmy
lifeverylongbutnowirealizethatisn'timportantandishouldn'tlethateffecthowitreatpeople
Godpleasepleaseworkonhisheart.Ilovehim.loveloveloveloveloveloveilovehim.Ihavenodoubts.NONE.
Notevenone.Iknowthatheistheoneandi'mnotgoingtotakehisanswer.No.it'snotokaywithme.
Iamgoingtodoeverythingicantprovethatihavechanged.becauseihave.firstoffnowihaveGodinmylife
andthathashelpedmesoooomuch.idon'twantanyoneelse.IwanttobeWITHhim.
iwanttotalktohimagain.ilovehimandimnotlettinghimgo.Idontcareifeveryoneistelingmetogiveupandmoveon
Imnotbecauseihonestlyandtrulybelieveheistheoneforme.theonlyoneforme.

Current Mood: stressed